Throttled

Pangungulila is one of those words that is difficult to translate to English. Using google search, dictionary.com gave the word bereavement. But bereavement is too generic, referring to being deprived of a close relation or friend through their death. The definition does not do justice to pangungulila that comes after death.  I tried if melancholy applies but it does not need an obvious cause, so there. Desolation on the other hand is complete emptiness or destruction which does not really cut it even if there is indeed emptiness and destruction combined. Longing does not quite fit even if it refers to that strong, persistent desire or craving, especially for something unattainable or distant, i.e. a longing for home. I would not even settle for yearning which is an intense longing for something—see, pangungulila cannot be placated with an ice cream cone.

 

And then I remembered a Portuguese word, SAUDADE. It too does not readily translate to English but is defined as a deep emotional state of nostalgic or profound melancholic longing for an absent something or someone that one cares for and/or loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never be had again.

 

This feeling has repeatedly overwhelmed me during the lockdown (brought about by the pandemic that the Sino leaders forbade to be referred to as the Chinese [Wuhan] Coronavirus) as the grim reaper took the lives of a teacher/Lola; a cousin; a dear friend; the 15-year-old daughter of a cousin; an erstwhile lover; a fellow correspondent; and the most overwhelming, an Aunt/favorite Godmother.

 

The specter that is mortality was busy, and I was stuck in my crib, unable to pay my last respects. The nearest was Pasig, but I could not possibly walk that far. Three were in LA, my hometown (Libacao, Aklan) and of course I could not fly or alternately swim freestyle and backstroke that great distance nor walk on Manila Bay to Verde Island Passage to Tablas Strait and finally to Sibuyan Sea. Besides, I would have to go on voluntary 14-day home quarantine/isolation the moment I get there, so what’s the bloody ruse, err use.

 

Even among those who had closure with physical presence during the wake and the interment/cremation, the pangungulila still hits them in the gut and messes with their emotions. Compelled to deal with grief from a distance, the pangungulila zaps one’s energy, leaving a depressed Eveready Bunny.

Dilectis in Paradisum

 

When God calls on His faithful, we should celebrate. Although grief and anxiety may be overwhelming, we surrender to God’s wisdom and embrace our faith even more closely, snugly. Our dear departed is with God.

 

However, as it is written: What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived — the things God has prepared for those who love him. — 1 Corinthians 2:9

 

Lilian Aguila Besana Inosanto has entered into the joy of God and death shall be no more. 

Dilectis in Paradisum, our beloved is in paradise.

 

The look of love... (no favoritism [char], jut that in this particular
photograph, she exudes that look of love, appreciation
and bliss beyond measure)

 

When I learned of Maninay Lily’s passing, two things immediately came to mind: firstly, she has finally been liberated from her sickbed, thanks be to God; secondly, I was worried about her children who will, will greater probability, not be able to come home because of the lockdown due to the pandemic.

 

The first thought was absolute joy; the second, unadulterated misery.

 

Maninay Lily is survived by her nine progeny: Scarlett (Lipa); Suzette (Sue); Roselle (Bebop); Carolita (Bibim); Florence (Flogs); Florencio Paterno (Toto); Lilynette (Lynette, I didn’t know her first name until today); Florante (Nono) and Christine (Ninky).

Maninay Lily conducts an attendance check, but keep your hands off her bag!

 

Anang Lipa, Nono and Ninky are in Toronto; Nang Suzette is in New Jersey; Nang Flogs is in Cebu; Nang Bebop & Nang Lynette are in Quezon City; but fortunately, Nang Bibim and Manong Toto are in Libacao.

 

Being the nearest in proximity, Nang Bibim, who lives in Roxas City, is able to come home to Libacao with ease and regularity. Manong Toto, who comes home as often as he can, got stranded in Libacao during the pandemic. He was supposed to go back to New York by the end of April.

 

As of this writing, there is no interment schedule just yet with travel still restricted.

There are no regular international flights and the Kalibo International Airport is closed. All other airports on Panay Island are closed, except for the Category 2 Evelio Javier Airport in San Jose, Antique which only accommodates propeller aircraft.

 

Another consideration that makes going home difficult is the mandatory 14-day quarantine, which makes no sense in this situation, no offense to the authorities as we submit to the health protocols.

 

This unusual situation confounds and multiplies the already complicated grief that they feel. The siblings are hoping for the best yet are prepared for the possibility that they will not be able to come home for the funeral.

 

I enjoin Maninay Lily’s family, relatives, and friends to please pray, if it be God’s will, that her immediate family be able to come home for her funeral. Let us, altogether, storm heaven with our plea.  

 

The immediate family, those who are not in Libacao, organized a prayer vigil, reciting the Novena for the Dead, organized by Nang Sue’s son Cookie. They also appreciate, and join whenever they can, the 9-Day Novena Masses offered by Amy Villorente Lim in Toronto.

 

She was really beautiful inside and out...

Maninay Lily was 98. She was bedridden for a decade and a half. Nobody might want to openly admit it, but it was definitely difficult for everyone.

 

My sister, who never failed to visit whenever she was home in Aklan, always expressed her appreciation and awe at the excellent and very competent care Maninay Lily had all those years she was bedridden. Louella believed that had it been otherwise, she would have died a long time ago.

 

People who are unfamiliar with such a situation do not understand the physical and emotional demands on those who provide care and comfort at the end of life. May St. John the Evangelist, patron saint of caregivers, intercede for them and grant them special blessings.

 

And may our Almighty Father, source of forgiveness and salvation, grant Lillian Aguila Besana Inosanto, through the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary and of all the saints, that she may share your Eternal happiness through Christ our Lord. Amen.

 

Come, let us celebrate the life of our beloved Lily. It was a well-lived, inspired, and inspiring life, one that left us indelible memories to remember her by. Let us cherish her love and share it with the world. We should never allow her smile to fade.

English Translation of In Paradisum:

May angels lead you into paradise

Martyrs receive you at your arrival

And bring you

To the holy city Jerusalem

May the choir of angels receive you

And with Lazarus, once a pauper

May you have eternal rest

Agence Provocateurs

The Lucban Municipal Police Station, by posting a message on social media asking girls not to wear short shorts, fanned the flames of an already simmering frustration over a predominantly misogynistic sentiment regarding rape and subsequent victim-blaming and shaming. Their Chief, perhaps unwittingly, stoked the controversy by trying to justify their deed, which singed their credibility even more.

In Metro Manila, Ben Tulfo’s allegedly minuscule but proud member stood up and spew a conflagration by saying that the manner by which women dress gives men an opportunity to commit rape, In the process, he belittled the opinion (on the Lucban Police controversy) of Frankie Pangilinan, outspoken daughter of Senator Kiko Pangilinan and Megastar Sharon Cuneta, by calling her hija, a pejorative term in this instance, thereby sparking an online tumult on social media.

In the safety of her lair, Senator Pia Cayetano, a self-proclaimed women’s advocate, was quiet. Not even a gasp came as a statement from her office. Meanwhile, the rest of the country was in the firestorm. In the melee, Claro Ganac, a part-time professor at De la Salle University got fired for insinuating that Senator Risa Hontiveros, the feisty and staunch feminist, should be raped by Bilibid inmates.

The nub of the controversy is the mistaken notion that people get raped because of the clothes they wear. This is what the Lucban Police openly emphasized. This is what Ben Tulfo accentuates. This insolence is the weapon of choice of misogynists who, in their impertinence, invariably shame the victims of rape.

Hontiveros asserts: "There is no dress code for rape. Or for sexual harassment. Instead of teaching women how to dress, we should teach men not to rape".

Note that women do not have exclusive sway as rape victims. Men also get raped, the latest in the news is a newbie OFW in the Middle East. In the current scheme of things, as propounded by Lucban Police, Ben Tulfo, and their ilk, one wonders what he must have worn. The apogee here is the extremely revolting fact that even infants get raped.

It should be emphasized that our Revised Penal Code does not recognize the clothing of the victim as an element of rape. In an exhibit aptly called “Don’t Tell Me How to Dress” organized by CNN Philippines, clothes worn by 11 Filipina survivors of sexual harassment or abuse were featured. None of the 11 clothes that we displayed could be described as provocative.

Suddenly, there is a spate of bestiality occurring with alarming frequency, including a man who had sex with two cows. In an online discussion, people were asking Ben Tulfo and the Lucban Police: “What were the cows wearing?”

We seriously need to change our perception of rape and help educate people, raise awareness of the dangers of misogyny and the reality of men as rape victims. We should, as individuals and members of groups, not only fight for justice but proactively promote sensitivity to the plight of victims of sexual harassment or abuse.

No lip service allowed.

 

I stan Vico Sotto

"May binabalak kayo, itigil nyo na yan."

(You have plans, stop it.)

#ctto: tribune.net.ph

Vico Sotto, in no uncertain terms, told his fellow workers in government and

those who support him that he will not put up with surprise parties.

No ifs, no buts.

In stark contrast, the infamy of Debold Sinas 

was his failure to say no to the mañanita.

In fact, the infamy of Debold Sinas was his failure to avoid

calling attention to himself and basking in the flattery of his sycophants, 

hence the listing of his well-planned and executed Extraordinary Birthday Celebration

as a grand event in the list of achievements under his leadership.

Leaders lead by example. Leaders obey the laws.

I stan Vico Sotto.

Happy Birthday Mayor.

Seven years old today...

shukran * xie xie * hvala * tak * dank u * kiitos * merci * danke * efharisto

mahalo * terima kasih * grazie * arigato * kamsahamnida * takk

obrigado * spasiba * gracias * salamat * kop khun

No bells, no chokers...

You think I need to be married to be whatever you think should complete me?

I am okay. I have a dog. He is an awesome companion.

Argos and I, we never argue.

You, you are married. Why fool around if you are happily married?

Oh, you and your spouse fight every single day.

You are not happy and you want out.

If my dog wants out, I just open his cage. We play.

If I want to be alone he lets me be.

My dog and I, we are happy.

You, you need a dog.

Grief at a time of COVID-19

Struggling with how to begin this article, I only had the title staring back at me, cursor blinking, egging me on. But my mind was shooting blanks, so I had to resort to an old technique, putting in random, disconnected thoughts and ideas that I would then sew together.

 

Frustrated, I gave it a rest, went to Facebook and boom – saw my niece Tweepy’s post that her Lola Mommy, my Auntie/Ninang Lily (Lillian Aguila Besana Inosanto) passed away today, 13 June 2020 at 2:10 pm, in our hometown, LA (Libacao, Aklan). She was 98.

Maninay Lily was the Guidance Counselor of Libacao Elementary School, and much to her chagrin, this imp was a regular in her office.

 

The worst timing for it to happen, during this lockdown caused by the Chinese (Wuhan) Coronavirus. The lockdown already caused grief beyond the common experience. I have had relatives and friends who have died without me being able to physically pay my last respects.

 

“Dying is like the ocean, sometimes the tide comes in gently with soft, delicate waves quietly working in the background. Other days, the waves violently crash into explosions, demanding to be noticed but regardless of how it chooses to do its job, the tide will always come in.” – Sarah Riad, The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

 

My late mother, Dolores Bolivar Inosanto Jereza, always made it a point to condole with the bereaved and would make time to do so. It is a duty she etched, no, seared, in my character. And I have always tried to oblige.

 

But these are trying times made even more so by the lockdown to control the spread of the pandemic. Travel is restricted, and so, the death of people we love (and there is quite a long list during this pandemic) leave us compelled to deal with our grief literally from a distance.

 

Complete family, save of course for Maninoy Pater who has since passed on. From left: Ninky, Nono, Lynette, Toto, Flogs, Bibim, Bebop, Suzette and Lipa. #CTTO: Manong Toto's Facebook.

There is an altogether different level of frustration and disappointment in this particular instance because Maninay Lily’s children: Anang Lipa, Nang Sue, Nang Bebop, Mare Bibim, Nang Flogs, Manong Toto, Nang Lynette, Nono, and Ninky, and their respective families, have been with us in the best and worst times. The fact that I cannot be with you to somehow, in some way, assuage your pain, is frustrating and heartrending beyond words.

 

I visited her in January when I came home for the Ati-atihan. She was, as usual, very sweet (and funny).

Maninay, may you rest in the arms of the Lord who formed you from the dust of the earth, May Holy Mary, the angels and all the saints welcome you now that you have gone forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you, bring you freedom and peace. May Christ who died for you admit you into his garden of paradise. Amen.

Houston, the problem has been resolved...

Could not log in to this blog for a long time because of an email address associated with this that I no longer had access to. It took a while to regain control... the anguish of a frustrating wait. But now that I have sway over this once again, yes, I really am taking control and will readily, eagerly scratch that itch to write. My fingers are ready to dance on the keyboard.