Grief at a time of COVID-19

Struggling with how to begin this article, I only had the title staring back at me, cursor blinking, egging me on. But my mind was shooting blanks, so I had to resort to an old technique, putting in random, disconnected thoughts and ideas that I would then sew together.

 

Frustrated, I gave it a rest, went to Facebook and boom – saw my niece Tweepy’s post that her Lola Mommy, my Auntie/Ninang Lily (Lillian Aguila Besana Inosanto) passed away today, 13 June 2020 at 2:10 pm, in our hometown, LA (Libacao, Aklan). She was 98.

Maninay Lily was the Guidance Counselor of Libacao Elementary School, and much to her chagrin, this imp was a regular in her office.

 

The worst timing for it to happen, during this lockdown caused by the Chinese (Wuhan) Coronavirus. The lockdown already caused grief beyond the common experience. I have had relatives and friends who have died without me being able to physically pay my last respects.

 

“Dying is like the ocean, sometimes the tide comes in gently with soft, delicate waves quietly working in the background. Other days, the waves violently crash into explosions, demanding to be noticed but regardless of how it chooses to do its job, the tide will always come in.” – Sarah Riad, The Sharp Knife of a Short Life

 

My late mother, Dolores Bolivar Inosanto Jereza, always made it a point to condole with the bereaved and would make time to do so. It is a duty she etched, no, seared, in my character. And I have always tried to oblige.

 

But these are trying times made even more so by the lockdown to control the spread of the pandemic. Travel is restricted, and so, the death of people we love (and there is quite a long list during this pandemic) leave us compelled to deal with our grief literally from a distance.

 

Complete family, save of course for Maninoy Pater who has since passed on. From left: Ninky, Nono, Lynette, Toto, Flogs, Bibim, Bebop, Suzette and Lipa. #CTTO: Manong Toto's Facebook.

There is an altogether different level of frustration and disappointment in this particular instance because Maninay Lily’s children: Anang Lipa, Nang Sue, Nang Bebop, Mare Bibim, Nang Flogs, Manong Toto, Nang Lynette, Nono, and Ninky, and their respective families, have been with us in the best and worst times. The fact that I cannot be with you to somehow, in some way, assuage your pain, is frustrating and heartrending beyond words.

 

I visited her in January when I came home for the Ati-atihan. She was, as usual, very sweet (and funny).

Maninay, may you rest in the arms of the Lord who formed you from the dust of the earth, May Holy Mary, the angels and all the saints welcome you now that you have gone forth from this life. May Christ who was crucified for you, bring you freedom and peace. May Christ who died for you admit you into his garden of paradise. Amen.